Fragile Summer
by TwiWritingsP
Summary: Edward Cullen is a somewhat lonely boy who is perfectly content to be a the 7th wheel among who he calls 'family.' So what happens when Bella Swan, who's completely different from anyone he's ever met, enters his life? Will they last through the summer?
1. Apathy Vs Pleasing Esme

**Disclaimer**: Twilight is not mine.

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I walked without seeing. It was always this way.

The halls were filled with nameless faces, people I didn't care enough about to bother making eye-contact with. It was easy to isolate yourself when you didn't care.

The only people I spoke to at school were my friends. My family. Jasper, and Emmett—my brothers. Rosalie and Alice—my sisters.

Jasper was the poet from the south, and Emmett was the great bear that also hailed from the south, though you'd never know it. Rosalie was the beauty queen with roots that ran deep in the social circles of Manhattan, and Alice… Well, Alice was a free spirit who could've been from nowhere and everywhere, along with here and there.

I was born in Chicago, to wealthy parents. My father, Edward Sr., was a sort of distant man that I don't think myself or my older brother, Carlisle, ever got to really know. He read all the time and was constantly locked away in his study, learning more to earn more. Our mother, Elizabeth, was a beautiful woman, inside and out. She was fairly distant, as well, but we knew she loved us even when we weren't sure of our father. She was always going to charity functions and organizing fund raisers and milking the wealthy of their riches to help the poor. It was ironic that this expensive woman could be so dedicated to donations, but it was an admirable trait nonetheless.

When our parents died, they left everything to Carlisle. As it turns out, they had an extensive will prepared after I was born, with very specific instructions for how to split the money and property between Carlisle and myself. Neither of us care much for money, but it's never been something to worry about, either. Carlisle always made sure that I understood the power and value of a dollar, but I'm not quick with my money unless it's for someone I love. I'd buy the world for my family.

For all intents and purposes, and because of all of this, Carlisle is more of a father to me than a brother. For that… I love him.

Rosalie's parents were very close friends of our parents, and they'd all been out together when _it_ happened… She'd had no other family at the time and… well, it was just natural for Carlisle to take Rose as his child, as well. It was a lot of responsibility given that he was only 19 at the time, _and _going to medical school, but he did it. Because that's the kind of man he is; noble, morally stable, and always a guardian.

Two years later, Esme came along, and within six months they were wed. And we were a family.

Esme is a woman I respect and love enough to call my mother. She's beautiful, intelligent, and vibrant. I never once thought that she was marrying my brother for the money, because her love for him was so obvious and bright that I never could. They have something special, and I'm man enough to admit that. She somehow manages to remain elegant and strong at the same time, all the while remaining an anchor for Carlisle. They complete each other, of this I am certain.

One more year later, when Carlisle decided the big city was too much, we packed up and decided to move somewhere quiet. Esme loved Forks for the open space and potential for building—she was an architect, or at least studying to be one at the time. Carlisle loved that he could give his time at the hospital to finish up his residency but still have time to spend with his family. I loved that it was quiet, and there weren't a lot of people. Rosalie… well, Rose didn't like much anything about it initially, although the town was immediately taken with her. She was easily the most beautiful girl any of them had ever seen in person.

Jasper had moved here the year before us, and Emmett came the just a month after. Alice had lived here her whole life, but she'd never made friends, for whatever reason. I never understood it. She was alone until Jasper came along, but she'd reached out to him immediately upon his arrival.

The great legend of Alice and Jasper started when Mike Newton had been picking on Jasper because of his accent, and Alice had marched right up to him and kicked him in both shins before turning and offering a hand to Jasper. He'd taken it with a big toothy grin, and she'd told him they were destined to be friends. Or so the story goes.

When the rest of us arrived, around the age of 10, things just fell into place naturally, and we all accepted that this was the way things were meant to be. Of course, with Alice reminding us of this so often, it became a generally known fact after a few months.

We were separate from the rest of the kids we went to school with, always keeping to our own little group, always thought of as weird and unapproachable. Not that we really made it easy, I suppose. We just didn't feel the need to let anyone else in. We were all with exactly who we needed to be with.

Adults viewed us as somewhat anti-social, but responsible. They liked that we had manners, even if their own children couldn't be mature enough to understand what that meant. Looking back, perhaps that was the exact reason they liked us.

Rose and Emmett announced that they were in love, at 13, and we all just kind of went with it, knowing full well that it was right. Not one of us questioned this, because it was just… _right. _Two years later, when Jasper and Alice admitted that they, too, were in love, we all nodded our heads and gave them easy smiles.

Because we knew this was the way things were meant to be.

Another two years had gone by since then, and we were 17 now, and in two more hours, our final summer before senior year would begin.

It would be our last real summer before we'd have to say goodbye and head our separate ways, out into the "real" world. The summer that came after this would be filled with those goodbyes. This would be our last chance to actually be children, given that we'd never really _been _children. This would be our last season to be children, fully, completely, with reckless abandon.

It was during this summer that I would meet Bella Swan.

As school ended and the halls flooded with people, I felt nothing. I could care less that some people were leaving for the summer, or that I wouldn't be seeing them for a couple of months. If nothing else, I welcomed the change. I welcomed the silence.

These children were insolent and disrespectful, and I couldn't wait for the moment that I'd be rid of them all. I was tired of their mindless chatter about celebrities, Facebook, and fashion. I tolerated Alice's love of fashion, but only because she was family. It was also quite possible that her taste had rubbed off on me, because I had a certain affinity for suit jackets and ties that began around seventh grade, and I'm not sure I would've had that without her.

I walked through the bustling crowd, and at some point Jasper appeared next to me. We nodded at each other in silent recognition, both of us hiding our eagerness to be free of this detention center for children.

When we made it to the parking lot, Alice was standing next to Rosalie's dark red BMW, bobbing along to her iPod. Jasper picked up his pace, grabbing her hands and twirling her when he finally reached her. She giggled and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him.

I leaned against the car, watching them. Sometimes, yes, I did envy them. I envied what they had. We were all extremely comfortable with each other, and while there had been several times where I'd held Alice or Rosalie in my arms, it wasn't the same as I knew it was when Jasper or Emmett held them. Especially not with Rosalie. She was my sister, after all, and the only affection I had ever known for her was that of the sibling variety. And Alice… well, if I _had _a type, I wasn't sure if Alice would be it. It's not that she wasn't beautiful, but again, I felt more of a sibling love for her than a romantic. Even if not for Jasper, I don't really think that I would have fallen for her.

Emmett and Rosalie walked up, their arms wrapped around each other, and they were laughing. The small twinge of envy struck again, and my body tensed slightly. I felt my jaw clench, so I exhaled slowly, attempting to calm these unnecessary feelings.

"Edward," Emmett started loudly, "your sister and I were just discussing the importance of strategy in chess. She feels pawns are unnecessary pieces, whereas I feel they are _entirely_ necessary. Care to interject?"

I raised my eyebrows, looking between the two of them. Rosalie was now slightly doubled over and shaking with laughter, and Emmett was turning a little red from the effort it was taking to not join her.

"I'm not stupid." I turned away from them, hitting the button on my keys to unlock my Volvo, which was parked on the other side of the BMW.

"Oh, come on Eddie! It's just fun!"

"Shut up, Emmett. I will not have you patronizing me for being alone. There is no one here worthy of my time, let alone the effort it takes to appease people."

Typically, whenever Emmett talked about chess, he was actually discussing different sexual acts. He was quite ingenious in the _actual_ game of chess, but it was his favorite euphemism, as well.

"You see, Edward," he'd once said, "Sex requires strategy, much like chess does. It requires not only a knowledge of the game, but a complete understanding of how to use _every_ piece to your advantage…"

He'd blathered on for some time after that, but I'd just ignored him. Had I been unaware that he was comparing chess to _sex_, I probably would've listened intently; he is rather intelligent when he speaks, and can make just about any topic sound scholarly.

"Eddie," Emmett was now saying, "If you got laid every now and then—"

"Oh, let it go. I think it's sweet." This was Alice. Alice had a tendency to romanticize things.

"It's not sweet, Alice. It's depressing. Edward should be enjoying his youth, fully. He should have a woman to show him all of the pleasures he's missing out on—"

"Or perhaps a man?" Jasper snickered. I turned to glare at him before slamming the door to the Volvo. I gripped the steering wheel as I looked into the rear view mirror, only to find them all laughing. They were all laughing as I started the car. They were all laughing as I turned up the stereo. They were all laughing as I sped away.

My phone buzzed when I reached the main road, and I flipped it open to reveal a text from Alice.

_Edward… please don't be offended. You know we just want to see you happy. And we're all having dinner at your place tonight, remember? Esme's making lasagna… and gnocchi =)_

I allowed a small smile at the text before shutting my phone again. Gnocchi was one of my favorite comfort foods. Thank god for Esme. I'd be lost without that woman.

We were sitting in the middle of the forest. Alice was dancing, and Jasper and Emmett were sitting on a log, deep in a conversation about the ethics of animal testing. I was sitting in the grass, cross legged, and Rosalie was laying with her head in my lap, staring up at the stars.

"Edward," she whispered. I looked down at her expectantly. A hair had blown over her face, and I reached down to push it away. She smiled briefly, then her face got serious. "Esme is worried about you."

I looked up into the trees and sighed. This was a topic that came up every now and again, but I always fought to avoid it. Esme was _always _worried about me. I adored her, I truly did, but _I was okay_.

Dinner had been slightly strained, as Esme had kept looking me over, trying to decipher what could possibly be bothering me. Nothing had been bothering me except the fact that she'd kept inspecting me.

She'd laughed and joked with everyone else, and I had tried, but I knew I wasn't putting enough effort into it, and that didn't escape her notice, either. I saw Carlisle grab her hand and attempt to soothe her worries a couple of times. After each time that he did it, he would shoot me a pleading glance to buck up, if not for anyone's sake but Esme's. I'd nodded slightly, so that only he would notice.

I hated that I caused so many problems for my family.

I looked down again, and Rose's eyes were closed. She looked beautiful, and peaceful.

"Stop staring," she whispered. I chuckled a little. "You know, she does have a point."

"And what might that be, sister dear?"

She opened her eyes and stared up at me, serious and slightly irritated. "None of us want you to be alone, and you know—"

"Rosalie, I am not alone. I'm not in a relationship, and I don't _need_ to be," I held up a hand to silence her when she opened her mouth again, wishing for all the world that I was involved in the stupid animal discussion instead. "I don't need some silly girl to validate my teenage existence. I'm happy as I am."

She gaped at me, then rolled her eyes. "Brother _dear_, if you're so happy, then why the fuck are you so depressed?"

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. I started to stand, causing her to jump and yelp because I'd accidentally pulled her hair. I held out a hand to help her up, but she smacked it away and moved so that she was laying on her stomach instead.

Emmett and Jasper were still deeply engrossed in their conversation. They were saying something about rabbits being injected with cocoa, so I walked past them to where Alice was dancing. She looked up at me and smiled fully before blowing me a kiss. She held out her hands to me, and I smiled at her in return before taking them. We pulled each other close and she jumped up on my feet.

"Ow!" I groaned. "Christ, fatty, when'd you get so heavy?"

She looked up at me with wide eyes, lip quivering. "I'll have you… know…" she said slowly, tears edging into her voice. Each word was punctuated by a gasp. "Two… hundred… and… fifty… seven… pounds… is… _not fat!_"

We laughed together. "What are you dancing to?" I asked.

"Deftones." She snuggled against me as a breeze came pushing through. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. "Which song?"

"Simple Man. I love their version. It's so beautiful." She smiled at me again, real sadness touching her eyes this time.

I nodded down at her, understanding fully. I sighed again, and glanced over at Rose, who was now sitting up and making a daisy chain.

"Consider it, Edward."

"Consider _whom_, Alice? Who exactly am I supposed to consider?"

"You know, if you didn't think you were so much better than everyone else, you—"

"Alice," I shook my head. "Alice, I don't think I'm better than anyone. You know that." She rolled her eyes but nodded in agreement. "We're all just… very… _distant_ from the rest of our peers. I have no desire to be close to any of them, not the way I do with you all. None of us do," I concluded pointedly. This was a fact that none of them could argue; we didn't _want _to be a part of the status quo. We weren't better, but we were certainly above the antics our fellow students pulled.

"Well... I don't know. I just wish you weren't…." she trailed off, unsure of how to complete her sentence without sounding rude. I decided to help her.

"A fifth wheel." I chuckled when she frowned. "No! Not a fifth wheel, just that you—"

"It's okay," I shushed her by pushing her away and twirling her before dipping her low, causing her face to light up. "I know I am. But I'm okay with it. You're my family. You're my world. And until the sun implodes, nothing else can touch my world."

As I pulled her back to me, her face grew sad again. She looked seriously into my eyes and reached up to push one of my unruly hairs from my brow. "Edward Cullen, you are the only boy that could make me wish for a natural disaster."

I laughed again, but her face remained in a grimace. A hand landed on my shoulder, and I spun Alice and myself to face the intruder. Jasper grinned at each of us before his gaze settled on me.

"Mind if I interrupt?" he asked politely, but there was a mischievous glint in his eye that conveyed what his voice did not. I backed away, offering up Alice's hand, and she giggled softly. "Please, my good sir, you're doing nothing but relieving me, I assure you." Alice gasped and pretended to be offended before sticking her tongue out at me. Jasper snapped his teeth inches from her tongue, and she giggled louder.

I chuckled again before turning back to where my sister was, a chain at least three feet long stretched out in front of her.

During the drive home, Rose silently played with her daisy chain, humming softly to herself. I didn't turn the radio on, just listened to her, occasionally joining her and adding a baritone to her mezzo-soprano. Our melodies would overlap and she would smile slightly whenever we formed something particularly complementing, and I would make a mental note to lock the sound away for later recreation on my piano.

We arrived home in about twenty minutes, having taken a longer route. Sometimes we would just drive aimlessly until one of us signaled silently that we were ready to get home again, and there had even been a few occasions where we just drove straight through the night, much to Esme's chagrin. We always apologized repeatedly, but our behavior never changed.

When we got inside, Carlisle was upstairs, in his study, and Esme was out on the back porch, reading. Rosalie and I made our way out to see her, each of us kissing her on the cheek. She greeted us both happily, and Rose placed the flower necklace around her neck. She laughed delightedly at the child-like sincerity of the gift, and I excused myself for bed, kissing her again quickly.

I made my way up to my room, pondering the saddened look Esme had given me when she'd said goodnight. Rosalie wasn't lying, of course, and it bothered me immensely that Esme was so desperate to see me with someone. I shouldn't _need _someone. Truth be told, I was perfectly content to be alone.

I was perfectly content to sleep alone.

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**A/N: **This is completely different from my other story, and it's a lot more personal for me. It's inspired by music-heavily, I might add. Questions, comments, criticisms? Let me know what you think!


	2. Day One and Then Some

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight. I own this story. I really think she's got the better end of the deal.

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The first day of summer vacation dawned brilliantly.

I watched the sunrise from the roof outside my bedroom window, inhaling the air and almost feeling the dew on the grass that was a story below me. I hugged my knees close to my chest, looking out at the expanse of forest that stretched out beyond our house. We lived apart from the rest of Forks, technically outside of the town. We didn't have neighbors for about half a mile; the quiet was peaceful.

Carlisle and Esme were leaving in a couple hours for a weekend in Seattle, to spend time alone and reconnect with each other. Jasper, Emmett and Alice were all coming to spend the weekend with Rose and I, so Esme had stocked up on food for us all. I wasn't entirely prepared for their stay—something was off in my universe. Something about the world felt different, something was changing, but I couldn't place it.

I stretched my legs out and leaned back on my hands, squinting slightly as the sun finally crossed up over the horizon. I heard a noise in my room but didn't bother looking, knowing that Rose was coming to join me. I waited with closed eyes as she made her way to the large window that lead to where I was sitting, breathing in the sweetness of the sunlight.

She climbed out and sat down next to me quietly, leaning her head on my shoulder, and I dropped my own to rest upon hers. I sighed and opened my eyes, readjusting my head against her hair.

"How'd you sleep last night?" she asked softly.

"Not well," I answered honestly. I had no reason to lie to her. Esme worried endlessly about my behavior, but Rose, for the most part, understood. The only time she tended to agree with Esme was when it came to my being single, and that wasn't something I was necessarily ready to change yet.

"Hmmm." She sat up straighter but continued to lean her shoulder against me. "Are you looking forward to everyone being here?"

I stayed quiet, and she had her answer. She didn't bother looking at me, and we both stared straight into the trees. A bird screamed from somewhere within them, and there was movement as another one flew into the sky from another spot.

She spoke flatly this time. "We'll stay out of your way, if you like."

I sighed again. "No, I don't want you to." Maybe I did. I wouldn't want them away for the whole weekend, but right now it didn't feel right to really be around anyone. I knew she understood that and wouldn't push the issue, but I felt bad for making her feel like she had to isolate me from the group. "I'm just… you know. Didn't sleep well. I'm glad summer is finally here, but I'm wondering if I'm going to do anything while it's here."

"Yeah. Reading is fun, Edward, but I think you've finished every book you have," she teased. We finally looked at each other and glared, but her eyes were sparkling and just like that my mood dissolved into something much brighter. I chuckled and she smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I think I want to go out. Or possibly leave, you know? Get out of Forks for a while. Maybe go up to Canada… get trashed in British Columbia," I concluded, maintaining as straight a face as I possibly could. Rose wasn't buying it.

"Oh, ha ha. Hil-aaarious. Yeah, you're going to go get fucked up and rot your brains out. I'll bet you shroom and then bang some hooker, too, with no condom!" she snickered. "The day you step outside your comfort zone, I'll give you a medal." No, she knew me far too well. I laughed again, and she stuck her tongue out before letting her face grow serious again. "So, how little would you like to see of us?"

I stopped laughing and looked back into the forest. "It's not that I don't want to; you know that. I just… I don't know. I feel… like… cabin fever, or something. Like I need to get away. Be outside of _here _for a while."

"Camping?"

"No… well, maybe. I don't know." I scrunched my face in thought. Camping was a compelling idea. We hadn't all gone camping in quite some time, which was ridiculous considering the forest and mountains that were right in our backyard. "Where would you want to go camping?"

She shrugged in reply, then looked down at her watch. "They'll be leaving soon. It's nearly breakfast time."

I nodded. It was a sort of ritual to do the breakfast and have a safe trip bit with Carlisle and Esme—they traveled whenever and wherever they could, and had been doing so for as long as I could remember. It was only in the last couple of years that Carlisle had decided Rose and I didn't have to go on trips if we didn't want to, and could be home alone without them. Alice, Emmett and Jasper were always welcome to come and stay with us, because Carlisle and Esme trusted all of us very much. We _were _really mature. We had freedoms that no one else we knew had. For as much as Esme liked to worry about us all, she knew that we were responsible enough to handle a few days without her. I also think she was secretly thrilled by the fact that we were independent enough to take care of ourselves and make good choices without her or Carlisle there to guide us.

***

Everyone arrived just as Carlisle was opening the door for Esme. She gave us all the standard 'be good' speech, and Carlisle tried to move her along more quickly. Finally, they were off and Emmett was pushing into the house, X-Box hot in his hands. I rolled my eyes, but Rose's narrowed in challenge. Right then. Video games.

Alice grabbed my hand and tugged me over to the couch, sitting down and dragging me with her. Jasper was all ready in the kitchen, searching for something he likely wouldn't find. The man was addicted to fast food and junk food, and Esme had no idea what either of those things were.

We watched as Rosalie stomped on Emmett—several times over, and in several different games. Jasper found popcorn somewhere and had made about three bags before coating it all with sugar. It was disgusting, but Emmett enjoyed it, and Alice did, too. Jasper called it 'kettle corn,' but I called it an excuse to get hopped up on sweets.

Eventually I grew bored of watching everyone play their video games, so I excused myself and decided to go for a walk. I headed out into the forest surrounding our land, going in no particular direction. I watched the tiny animals that scrape along the forest floor, and stopped briefly to watch a deer going through the trees.

I crouched low so she wouldn't see me; I didn't want to disturb her. She was relatively young, and beautiful. She was a white-tail, which was common in Washington. Her coat was a light but lovely reddish brown, and her frame was small enough that I'd guess her barely a year old. She walked carefully through the thick underbrush, avoiding branches and any pitfalls that might await her. She looked so peaceful.

The doe ate random leaves and sniffed various things with unnatural grace and beauty. I felt a slight pain as I watched her. I wondered what it was like to live as a deer. I wondered if they were in any way aware of the poise and perfection they possessed, or if it was as normal to them as tying my shoes was to me.

At some point I made the stupid decision to try and get closer. My movement startled her and she watched me for all of five seconds with her huge, dark eyes before turning and prancing off into darker parts of the forest.

I envied her freedom, her ease of movement. Her grace, even in fear, was stunning. I breathed out a deep breath before turning and beginning my way home, vaguely aware of the gnawing hunger pains in my stomach. I was now, oddly enough, craving deer, and I hoped that we still had some in the freezer. I began planning various meals in my head: deer lasagna, deer burgers, barbequed ribs if that's what we had. Deer was so delicious.

All of us loved deer.

"Jasper, please don't tell me all of this is—"

"Yup." His face glowed and I took in a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say.

Jasper had, apparently, found it necessary to go grocery shopping in my absence. I hadn't thought I was gone that long, but apparently I'd been gone almost an hour and a half. Plenty of time for Jasper to raid the local market. And raided he had.

The island in the kitchen was littered with… everything. Frozen dinners, cans of Chef Boyardee, boxes of Mac N Cheese, Cheetos, a jar of nacho cheese sauce… Obviously, his cheese weakness had not yet subsided.

"Hell, Whitlock, you know we don't eat all this junk," Emmett said, appearing at my right side. His eyes scanned the table, and upon viewing the Swedish Fish, nearly popped out of his head. "Okay," he said slowly as his eyes wandered between Jasper and the candy, "maybe _some _of it is edible…"

Jasper's face became smug, and he waved a hand dramatically over the spoils of his shopping trip. "Eat what you wish." He leaned back and crossed his arms, smirking slightly.

Emmett yanked up the fish and disappeared out of the room without another word. Candy was his one weakness, save for Rosalie. The man was outrageously healthy and took amazing care of his body, but any mention of candy and he was done for. A couple years back when we'd all gone to Disneyland he ended up spending nearly one hundred dollars in the various candy shops, and had gotten so hyper that Carlisle actually yelled at him to _shut up_. And he used those words.

It was _not _an easy thing to irritate Carlisle to the point of yelling.

As Jasper started to jam all of his snacks into various places in the fridge and cabinets, I leaned against the island. I had no intention of helping him, and I knew full well that all evidence of the crap would be gone by the time Carlisle and Esme returned Sunday evening. One of his brows popped up at my expression, and he stopped mid-bend to ask what was bothering me.

"I want some deer," I said.

"Yeah, man. Deer." He nodded his head, squinting slightly at me but not pressing any further. "22's are out back, right? We could hunt this weekend if you want."

"I think we still have some in the freezer. I don't want to deal with butchering anything fresh. Besides, it's not in season right now. You know how Carlisle gets when we hunt out of season."

He nodded again, looking me straight in the eye. We didn't exactly obey the seasonal laws for hunting, and Carlisle would merely offer a light scolding if he found out we'd gone. As long as we weren't caught, we were actually free to hunt as we pleased. He knew something was off. I was also pretty sure he was aware that I didn't know exactly what it was yet, and until I was ready, he wouldn't bother me about it. He continued what he was doing, humming a random tune, and I watched for a moment longer before heading out onto the front porch.

I sat down in one of the old rocking chairs and watched as the sun began to dip lower in the sky. It was still early, barely even four, but the sun didn't always hold up for very long. I heard laughter filtering out and getting closer, and I closed my eyes against the sound of it. The screen door opened and I suddenly smelled the light, sweet candy smell of Alice breezing past me. She softly perched on the chair next to me, and when I opened my eyes I found her looking out into the distance.

"I think it's going to be a good summer for you," she said softly. She dropped her eyes and allowed her voice to follow suit. "I think you're going to meet someone." She shut her eyes now and sucked in a soft breath, and I felt my jaw clench.

We'd been over this. _I'd _been over this. Countless times. I was tired of all of them thinking I needed someone. I didn't. I was perfectly content to be—

"I know, Edward, we all know. You're happy to be alone." Oops. Had I spoken out loud? "The problem is that _we _aren't happy with you alone. And although you may _think _you're happy, you're not quite seeing yourself the way we do. And we all see the sadness in your eyes when you look at us sometimes." She looked at me finally, and I saw the sadness and conviction in her face. I looked away, because… she was right.

"I know it's hard, because we're all young and how does one find someone to share their ideals and match their maturity at this age? It's no secret that we're all more… grown up… than most people our age," her voice began to soften, and she looked down at the ground again. She was holding her hands together lightly in her lap, and I was surprised that she was completely still. Usually Alice was this thundering ball of energy, constantly moving and shaking and bouncing. You knew it was serious if she wasn't moving.

"You see, we worry for you. The boys, not so much. I think Carlisle does, a little, because you're his brother and he wants to see you happy," she looked me in the eye again, her face blank this time. "Ultimately, you're a seventh wheel, like you said before. That has to be hard." I nodded. What could I say?

_Oh, yes, it's really _incredibly_ sucky to see you all so happy and to know that you're all giving each other constant affection while I'm… not. I love seeing all the subtle little relationship things you do—the kissing, the holding hands, brushing hair off each other's faces. It doesn't make me feel alone at all. And at night, when I'm laying in my bed, not sleeping, I never think, 'boy, it sure would be nice to have someone warm lying next to me, someone soft that I can reach out to hold close to me… It's also fantastic to be teased about not getting laid, because, you know, a sixteen year old boy is supposed to be getting it on the regular, or so I hear… Oh, and by the way, have I mentioned how completely annoying it is to constantly have you and Esme judging my being single? Because really, truly, I love you, but please, just let me _be.

"But… I feel something," she smiled tentatively at me, and I couldn't help the tugging at the corner of my mouth. I could feel it, too. I wanted to tell her, to let her know that I understood her feelings, but I also didn't want to speak my thoughts out loud, lest I set myself up for some great let-down. I met her eyes, and tried to convey with my own what I couldn't say. She smiled more, her eyes joining her mouth this time, and I knew she understood.

"Something is going to change this summer, soon; I can feel it." She reached out and grabbed my hand. "I promise," she whispered, taking in a deep breath, "you're not going to be alone this summer."

The rest of the weekend went swimmingly. I didn't sleep very often, but I had company in that. I even played some of the video games—surprisingly, I rather enjoyed Resident Evil 5. It scared the hell out of Alice, and she buried herself in Jazz's side while we played, but the rest of us got really into it. I readily admitted that I found the story compelling, and the graphics to be fantastic.

This pleased Emmett to no end.

Profusely.

We watched a lot of movies, too. Rose was particularly happy that I didn't skip out of everyone, going so far as to stay in the living room with them while they slept. I did step out momentarily on Saturday night to clear my head, though. Alice had once again tried to tell me that I'd be meeting someone, and soon—I had to politely tell her that I couldn't hear it.

As I walked through the dark woods that surrounded our land, though, I couldn't help but wonder… what if she was right?

The idea of meeting someone made me… I felt… I couldn't even explain it. It was so rare that I entertained the idea, and I was convinced that I would probably die alone and… well… as Emmett like to teasingly remind me—a virgin.

It was no secret that Rose and Emmett had sex. They were actually rather discreet about it, and while Rosalie often talked to Esme and Alice about it, my sister thankfully kept me in the dark about her alone time with Emmett. Emmett himself had the sense to not really talk to anyone about it, save for his occasional teasing.

I had my suspicions about the physical aspects of Jasper and Alice's relationship, though Jasper was a gentleman and would never reveal to anyone what they did. I'm sure Rosalie and possibly even Esme knew what went on between the two of them, because girls do talk, but again, it was really none of my business.

Esme had tried to give me 'the talk' once before, and she'd been very careful in what she said to me, but it still made me irrationally uncomfortable. We were two mature adults, having a discussion about the meeting of organs as a means for pleasure.

I still cringe at the memory of it.

Carlisle had been better about it, because he knew my interest in medicine. He'd given me a college textbook on human sexuality, offering to answer any questions I might have. He'd also used his professional voice while doing this, so when he pointedly mentioned that if I needed condoms that he had them, I couldn't even groan. He _was _a doctor, after all, and safety was his first concern regarding all aspects of life. He was also my brother, and I'm sure that on some primordial level, he was also very disappointed with the fact that I wasn't… finding a release.

I was also positive that he was proud that I was nothing like he was when he was my age.

He didn't discuss his own teenaged years with me very often, but I could sort of remember bits and pieces of who he'd been back then. I remembered a couple of his girlfriends—bubbly and beautiful Tanya, the first girl I ever met that I had a fantasy about, and small, quiet and lovely Jane, the girl who, to this day, I considered second only to Esme as far as his choices in women. Jane could've been a lovely mother to us, I'm certain.

I also remembered him going to parties a lot, and coming home completely drunk and/or high. It's hard to believe that this hard partying teen would grow up to be such a respectable and well-rounded doctor. Then again, he'd partied through his first couple years of college, too. This was what I remembered as his dark period in dating. He'd had a girlfriend named Heidi, who even I could recognize as manipulative. She appeared as sweet as candy on the outside, but she was actually a very evil young woman.

She'd watched me on several occasions for my parents, but her treatment of me was anything but kind. I always bit my tongue, thinking that how she chose to discipline me was appropriate, and since I was just a child, I didn't know any better any way.

When Carlisle finally came home one night to find her smacking me and screaming at me about being a 'filthy little liar' (for no reason, really. All I had done was asked to use the bathroom, and she'd flipped out. This wasn't uncommon for her, though), he realized he couldn't be with her anymore. This was the point when he became a man, as I see it.

He stopped doing drugs and cut back on his alcohol intake, throwing his entire focus into school. This thrilled our mother. What she didn't know was why he'd suddenly changed—it was well known in the community that her son was somewhat of a playboy and deviant. Apparently, the night he'd walked in on Heidi 'disciplining' me, she'd been on a four day cocaine streak—and he'd been her supplier.

He kept apologizing to me afterwards, telling me he'd make it better, he'd give me more. This was the ultimate nail in the coffin for the life he'd once led—he didn't want his baby brother to be subjected to the terrible things he'd done and seen up until that point.

It was very lucky that this change happened before… the accident. Had it happened after, I'm not certain he would've handled it very well. I am grateful, however, that he did change. I still don't know the full extent of who he was back then—my memories are a bit hazy. I think if ever I did start getting like that, he'd surely pull me out before I got in too deep. I'd like to hope so, at least.

When Carlisle and Esme returned home again, the house was spotless and, as predicted, all traces of Jasper's shopping trip were gone.

Esme made us all a great dinner of lasagna—deer, my favorite—and Cesar salad, along with fresh baked bread. I'd taken out deer on Saturday, but had been too lazy to actually do anything with it. When she saw it in fridge upon their return, Esme immediately knew what to do with it. She had smiled knowingly at me, patting my cheek before shooing everyone out of the kitchen and getting to work. Her devotion to us never ceased to amaze me. Her food was always delicious, and I swore I could actually taste her love in it.

After our delicious meal, Emmett drove Alice and Jasper home, and Rose and I sat with Carlisle and Esme for a bit. They told us about Seattle—how beautiful it was there right now, how great the weather was. They didn't really get into specifics, and Rosalie winked at me when she realized this. I tried to appear disgusted, but Carlisle caught me and raised an eyebrow, daring me to say something.

I, of course, said nothing.

Rose and I said goodnight to our parents and headed upstairs. After I had changed, I heard her knock softly on my door.

"Come in, Rose."

She stepped in, quietly closing the door again behind her. She walked over to my bed to sit with me, ruffling my hair as she did so. I sighed. I wasn't a child.

She didn't say anything for several moments, looking down at her toes instead.

Finally, I couldn't take her silence. I sighed again. "What?"

She didn't look up from her feet, but she tilted her head in my direction. "Alice told me she talked to you."

I suppressed my groan. As… warm… and thoughtful as my talk with Alice had left me, I wasn't really willing to repeat it with Rosalie. It seemed these conversations about my being single only increased as time went by. I understood that I was a 16 year old boy and that it was of course normal to be in relationships, dating and all of that… but the pressure that was constantly being placed on me to do so was getting unbearable.

I wasn't smooth, like Carlisle used to be. I didn't have any sort of way with women, although Rose and Alice were constantly telling me I was attractive, and Esme always told me I was handsome; I just didn't see it.

I had no experience with girls, either, beyond light social interactions at school. I'd never even kissed a girl. I'd seen it in movies and television, of course, and I always wondered what it would be like to actually do it…

I'd read in one of Carlisle's medical journals about a study done in Germany in regards to kissing. That old Betty Everett song, 'The Shoop Shoop Song'? Apparently, the lyrics weren't that far off from the truth. There's actually a chemical reaction of sorts when the saliva of two people mixes, and when it's good, there's 'magic,' as so many people refer to it. If the chemical reaction is very mild or there isn't one at all, the kiss has no spark, and is therefore considered 'bad.' I sometimes wondered what it would be like to find someone who I could create that magical chemical reaction with… I supposed it was about as easy as finding immediate attraction to someone. And that, for me, wasn't easy.

"Rose… I… appreciate your concern, but—"

Rosalie sighed. "Look, Edward, she had a dream about you meeting some girl and she's super amped about it, okay?"

I looked at her, shocked. Alice hadn't told me that. Alice didn't dream about things very often, but whenever she did, they usually came true. No wonder she'd been so certain.

"Just… try this summer, please?" her eyes were pleading. "If you meet anyone you're remotely interested in, could you try?"

"Do you have any idea how irritating it is to be told you shouldn't be alone?" I asked softly.

Her eyes flared. "Do you have any idea how irritating it is to see you hurting all the goddamn time?" she snapped back. "Edward, listen to me. We prod, we tease, we bug you. We're your family, it's our job." Her voice grew softer now at the angered expression on my face. She placed a hand on my back and rubbed softly, continuing on.

"I've seen the way you look at us sometimes, like you're in physical pain over seeing us kiss, or cuddle. It's human nature to desire affection, Edward. I'd be lying if I said the idea of you snogging some random girl didn't disgust me," she snorted, and I chuckled, "but it _is _something you should experience while you're young enough to really enjoy it."

I understood her reasoning, on some basic level. "Yes, but I don't _want _to. I don't want random girls putting their tongues down my throat. Sure, I envy what you all have. But you guys… you _love _each other. You all always have. When Carlisle met Esme, she was the final thing to help him pull himself together. Their love was instant and remarkable and _right_. Jasper and Alice… they've always been meant for each other. And you and Emmett…" I paused, uncertain of how to say it. Her and Emmett were right for each other, too, but their connection was somehow different. I couldn't say that it was weaker or stronger, but the quality of it was distinct, somehow.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized _all_ of their relationships were that way. They all had some unique and powerful bond that was instantaneous and in their own ways, they completed each other. They weren't each other's better halves—they were each other's equals, each other's perfect balances.

"You and Emmett grew into something at a very young age and you just _knew_." I concluded, not voicing my true revelations, but not needing to.

Rose nodded. "That's the point. We _grew_. You just have to find someone to grow with."

I looked at her. Her eyes were soft, a trace of a smile flitting over her mouth. She was right. If ever I found someone, I'd have to look past their artificial shell and really see them. I'd have to give them enough of a chance to learn who I was, and vice versa.

And I'd have to allow myself to grow with them, to become a balance for them.

Rose chuckled suddenly, and I frowned. "Think of it like this, Edward—at least Esme hasn't been desperate enough to try to set you up with anyone."

My eyes widened in horror. Rose's chuckles turned quickly into hysterics, and I promptly shoved her out of the room.

I muttered to myself as I turned in for the night.

"Damn, right… meddling… stupid… sister."

* * *

**AN: **So, to anyone who hasn't heard 'The Shoop Shoop Song (It's in His Kiss)' (and shame on you if you've never heard it!) the lyrics Edward is referring to are the following**:**

Does he love me, I wanna know  
How can I tell if he loves me so?

_Is it in his eyes?  
Oh no, you'll be decieved  
Is it in his eyes?  
Oh no, he'll make believe  
If you wanna know, if he loves you so  
It's in his kiss  
That's where it is!_

And yes, there really was a study done in regards to kissing and chemical reactions people have to each other's saliva. It may not have been German-my own memories are a bit fuzzy sometimes-but it was, in fact, a real study. Edward is a bit odd for knowing/considering this information, but we love him anyway, right? :)

Tell me what you think!


	3. Insomnia & Night Drives

**Disclaimer:** Twilight no es mia.

* * *

I laid in bed for three hours, unable to sleep. Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett had all gone on a double date earlier, and still had yet to return. They'd tried to talk me into it, but of course they knew I wouldn't really want to go if it was a 'date' night. Hanging out is one thing, but the second romantic comedies become involved, I'm out. Romance and grand gestures aren't my deal.

We were one week into summer already, and already I felt as though I'd accomplished… absolutely nothing. I'd read a bit, lolled around the house—and really not moved outside of it. Though I wanted to go out with everyone else, I just couldn't, not with the whole 'date' atmosphere. So, instead, here I was, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. At 2AM.

My insomnia had a tendency to flair up during the summer. It's an extremely disorienting and inhibiting experience for one to have. It also doesn't exactly warm up in Forks, so I'm not sure how my body knows to respond to a practically non-existent season this way. Whatever the case may be, I start sleeping less and wandering around the forest more when summer hits.

Since I'd gotten my license, I'd walked less and driven more, much to Esme's worry. It wasn't something I could change, though, as it had been occurring since I was about five. Carlisle understood, as our father had been a terrible insomniac, and because I had basically been this way two thirds of my life. He didn't necessarily _approve _of me going out at random hours of the night/morning, but he never outwardly discouraged it, either.

I didn't start leaving the house until we'd moved to Forks, and everyone was fairly certain I'd be safe out on my own, but it still made Esme severely uncomfortable. Some mornings I'd come home and she would frown disapprovingly, but Carlisle would just shake his head and chuckle, asking if I'd had a pleasant evening out. By the time school started again each year, the circles under my eyes would be so dark that people would stare and whisper, completely unashamed. Since I wasn't too sociable, it didn't really bother me, though it was rather rude of my peers to assume I had a drug problem at the tender age of twelve.

The problem started happening earlier and earlier each year, and it causes even _me _a certain amount of worry to say that it began occurring a whole _month _before the school year came to a close this year. Lauren Mallory had asked me point blank if I was doing meth, because, as she'd so eloquently put it, "that shit is _way _bad for you, like, I'm not even joking."

I'd simply stared at her periodically vibrating and blurry platinum blonde head and asked her if she knew there were naked pictures of her person in the male locker room of the gym. She'd shut up pretty quickly after that. It was a low blow, but I'd gone four days at that point without even an hour of sleep, and I couldn't help it. I get irritable when I don't sleep.

Tonight was no exception on the no sleep front. I was on hour sixty-three of being awake, and I was starting to get antsy. I hadn't gone out the nights prior to this one, out of respect for Esme. I just couldn't help it anymore, I _needed _to go for a walk or a drive or _something_, anything to help use up some of this ridiculous energy.

I didn't bother to put jeans on, opting to keep my pajama pants on instead. I put on a long sleeved grey shirt and a dangerously old pair of Converse—duct tape and all—and grabbed my keys before shuffling quietly out to my car. I plugged in my iPod and settled quickly on a soundtrack for my madness: Siamese Dream, by Smashing Pumpkins.

Old Billy started singing and I felt myself relaxing slowly. I wasn't falling asleep, but my body was beginning to warm to the idea, becoming fluid and relaxed. I drove aimlessly while my vision crossed from blurry to clear several times over. When I felt like I was compromising my safety too much, I finally pulled into the only twenty-four hour store near Forks: Safeway. To be fair, it's actually located in Port Angeles, which is roughly an hour away… if you drive the speed limit. I don't, insomnia or not, so I managed to get there in under half an hour. I suppose it's a dangerous thing, but there are little to no people on the road at three thirty in the morning, save for a trucker or two every few miles. I'm confident enough with my driving to speed, and smart enough to know when to stop. Like now.

I grabbed a cart, even though I probably wouldn't need it. It was mostly in case I started to doze while walking, which has been known to happen when I'm in this state. It was also to keep a good distance between me and any of the other shoppers that might be present. The Safeway in Port Angeles was actually a pretty hot spot for teens to go when they had nothing better to do at night. It was an odd thing, then, that I should be going here, but I figured the fluorescent lights might help fry my brain enough for me to get a reasonably long nap once I made it home again.

I meandered up the aisles, unsure of what I was looking for and simultaneously not looking for anything at all. I walked up the pet food section first, staring at labels for things I didn't need. Rosalie had allergies to pet dander.

I pushed through the frozen section with my rattling cart and out of alignment cart, finding myself being stared at by a number of girls. They began whispering as I passed, and I caught snippets of 'oh my gods' and 'holy shit, did you _see_ him?' I was tired enough to be humorous, so I turned playfully to them and gave them what Emmett called my 'smoldering' look. I never understood it, but apparently whenever I was deep in thought, I'd start to kind of squint. Emmett had told me on numerous occasions that several girls at school found this rather sexy, which confused the hell out of me. Yes, thinking can be a very attractive thing, but I don't find squinting to be all that… sexy.

As I turned to them, they all began blushing furiously and immediately stopped their giggling.

"I'm sorry, ladies, I don't mean to intrude on your conversation, but I was curious to know if you knew where the eggs were? I can't seem to find them." I continued to 'smolder,' smirking just a little when one girl hissed in a breath. For as much as Emmett teased me about being single, it was apparently quite easy to weaken a silly young girl's resolve to avoid strangers.

They all sort of giggled again, and one with bright eyes and lips that were painted too red stepped forward and pointed towards the back of the store. I looked over the rest of the girls quickly, and saw that they, too, were wearing too much makeup. They all had dark hair with chunks of too-light blonde running through it, and though they had it at varying lengths, they all had a cut that was longer in the front and shorter in the back. I vaguely remember Alice saying that it was a very popular fashion right now, but that not everyone could carry it. Upon viewing these girls, I found myself wondering if _anyone _could carry it. They had all straightened it to the point of absolute straightness, and I imagined that if it were touched, it might break off into tiny pieces. They all wore the same outfit, essentially, as well. Silly t-shirts with stupid slogans and jeans that were so tight I thought their hips might break. The girl with red lips opened her mouth to speak.

"Straight back there, near the milk and cheese," she whined. Her voice was so nasal that it actually grated my ears. It's fascinating that I can love a man like Billy Corgan for his voice, and yet, when a girl sounds anywhere close to that, it makes me wince.

I thanked her with a small nod and smirked again, turning my barren cart around and heading for the back of the store. I snorted when they all started squealing over the encounter. How ridiculous that they should get so excited over _me_. Bleary eyed with dark circles and an unshaven face, all pallid and perhaps a bit too thin. Yes. I am a sexy beast.

I meandered to the back of the store, dragging my feet as I passed the meat section. When I arrived at the eggs, I stared at them and wondered why anyone would pay a dollar more for brown eggs. Brown eggs are exactly like white eggs. The lengths people will go to for aesthetics sometimes is startling.

I grabbed a carton, deciding that if I didn't fall asleep tonight, I would make Esme and Carlisle breakfast. Or, if Rosalie brought everyone home with her, they'd have something to eat. We did have an abundance of food at the house, but Emmett was known to guzzle eggs like water. He said he needed the protein to stay fit, though I cannot for the life of me remember ever seeing an ounce of body fat on him. I personally found eggs to be disgusting, which credited me with even more reason to not understand his obsession.

Another thought occurred to me as I walked away, and I decided I would bake the cake this year for Esme's birthday. It was three weeks away, but I had yet to get her a gift. I made a mental note to talk to Rosalie and see what she wanted to do for Esme this year. We usually went in on gifts for her together, because it was easier to be creative together and it made it so that we weren't competing to see who could buy a better gift. Gifts were the only thing any of us really went overboard with.

I walked into the baking aisle, shuffling my feet along. I stopped and stared at the prepared packages of cake mix and winced slightly. I couldn't just make a box of Pillsbury. This had to be something special. Esme deserved a cake baked with love and thought and all of that.

I turned to move towards the flour when I noticed a girl not three feet away from me, standing on the bottom shelf and reaching up to the top for a container of frosting. I groaned internally, irritated with myself that I had decided to play with the girls earlier. Now one of them was right next to me, unable to reach a tub of frosting that I easily could. I would have to help her, which would lead to an awkward conversation that would end in me leaving without purchasing anything at all.

The gentleman in me won the argument of whether or not to leave her there, stretching uselessly for the unattainable treat. I reached above her tiny frame and grabbed the plastic container, and the hand that wasn't holding her steady froze in what I supposed was anticipation. As soon as it was low enough, she brought her hand over mine and I felt a shock. I frowned at our hands, and she chuckled soft and low. I relinquished the frosting to her and she hopped back to the floor, and I turned and looked at her face, seeing it for the first time.

I felt my eyes widen as I took her in, and I recognized immediately that she hadn't been apart of the group of gigglers earlier. Everything about this girl positively _screamed _different from the ones in the frozen food section.

She wore no makeup, or at least so little that I couldn't find anything obviously done up. She was wearing an extremely old Eric Clapton shirt, something so ancient I was amazed it hadn't fallen apart. It was faded and had a number of tears and holes in it, and upon a second glance, I realized it wasn't just a Clapton shirt, it was from when he was with Cream. I felt my brow furrow as I calculated age possibilities of the shirt, and she surprised me by grabbing my face and directing my attention to her own.

"Sixty-six," she said. Her voice was lower than I would've thought, and her face was tired, but her dark eyes sparkled slightly.

"Sorry?"

"The shirt. Sixty-six." She let go of my face and pulled the lid off of the frosting, popping it neatly onto the bottom of the container. She ripped the foil off and dunked a finger in, bringing it to her mouth and sucking it. She closed her eyes and sighed in silent contentment, and I felt for a moment as though I were intruding by watching. This moment, however, allowed me to take the rest of her in more thoroughly.

Below her shirt (which I now knew to be forty-three years old), she wore a pair of faded and holey jeans. They weren't faded and holey in the made-by-a-small-child-in-a-factory sense, they were genuinely worn. There was a large hole over her left knee that had a patch of equally faded argyle fabric (damn Alice and her constant spewing of fashion-related terms) sewn in, but the hole in her right knee was smaller and had no patch. There were what appeared to be oil stains on the bottom of her right leg, and I felt a momentary thrill go through me that she might have an interest in cars.

On her feet were large, garish leopard print slippers. I immediately looked back up to her face, but she was still sucking frosting off of her finger. Her hair came down a few inches past her shoulders, but it was wild and tangled and it almost looked like she had just woken up.

I felt my mouth go dry right as I decided to speak, and my voice cracked a little from the exertion of having to speak to this strange and unusual girl.

"Shouldn't you pay for that?" I blushed slightly when she cocked an eyebrow and a corner of her mouth went with it. Damned dry mouth.

"I will," she responded simply. She reached up and grabbed another flavor, brushing past me and dropping it into my cart. I turned and gaped at her, confused.

"Well?" she asked, turning slightly and running her finger through her frosting again. "Coming?"

***

"So… If you didn't drive, how did you get here?" I was thoroughly confused and intrigued by this girl. After we'd gone through the store and checkout line, she'd asked if I could take her home. I said yes without a second thought, and I was shocked to learn that she lived in Forks, too. When I'd asked where in Forks, she'd simply shrugged and said, "around."

I felt an odd desire to interrogate her, something I didn't fully understand. I had never felt so compelled by a complete stranger. I had met colleagues of Carlisle's that I had rattled off questions to, but they were scholarly people of the world, people I could learn numerous things from. I wasn't sure _what _this girl could teach me, but I had every desire to find out.

"Hitched," she said, simply. She made a motion with her thumb to illustrate her meaning when I glanced sidelong at her.

"You hitch hiked? With whom?" A knot was slowly forming in my stomach, and a sense of panic began to wash over me for her safety earlier in the night, though she was obviously safe with me now.

"Some trucker," she shrugged. She turned in her seat, kicking off her slippers and sliding her legs up so that they were underneath her. She rolled down the passenger window and pulled herself out, leaning so that everything above her ribs was hanging out the window. Her hair began blowing madly in the wind, and she dangled her arms out behind her head.

"What—that's not safe, what are you doing?!" My panic had now found it's way into my voice.

She laughed easily, gripping the edge of the window and pulling her head up just high enough to see me again. "Looking at the stars. Feeling the wind. You know."

"It's freezing…" I trailed off, uncertain of what else to say. I wasn't sure if I was capable of stating anything other than simple, obvious facts at this point, she had me so tense. She was shocking me into verbal submission, which could be considered a rather hard feat to manage. I was almost never at a loss for words. I had known her less than fifteen minutes, and all ready, she had rendered me near-speechless.

She sighed, pulling her upper body back in. I rolled up the window as soon as she was sitting safely in her seat again, then quickly flipped the window lock switch. I looked over in time to catch her rolling her eyes, but her expression didn't match the gesture. She reached forward and pushed the button to turn the stereo on.

Disarm.

It blared loudly, because I had had it turned up pretty loud when I'd shut it off and gotten out of the car. I'd forgotten to turn it down, and I jumped slightly, half out of embarrassment, half from the shock of it playing so loud.

I glanced nervously at the girl, whose name I _still _didn't know. She had her face turned up slightly, and a slight smile played on her lips. She began singing along softly to the song, barely moving her mouth.

"What's your name?" The words fumbled out before I could stop myself, and I reached out nervously to turn the volume down some. I didn't have time to regret my lameness because she answered immediately.

"The Queen of London."

"London doesn't have a queen. England does," I said automatically. I sounded more childish and stupid as the 'conversation' went on, and I couldn't stop myself.

She eyed me with an arched brow and half a smirk. "I can be the Queen of London if I so choose." I found myself laughing at the absurdity of this, but at the same time, I realized she could probably be the queen of anything she chose, she was so comfortable with herself. I envied her easy way of carrying a conversation.

"Bella," she said it softly, simply. Something in my brain sparked, but I couldn't place why I knew of another Bella. I ignored my vague sense of déjà vu and chanced another glance at her. She was singing softly to the song again, staring out the passenger window. She was running a hand through her hair, something she'd done several times all ready. I didn't know whether I should be thrilled or not that she shared this quirk with me—I had a tendency to do it more when I was stressed than anything else. Alice had told me that I did it all the time, but that had to be an exaggeration.

Bella turned quickly to me, her eyes suddenly sparking again. "S'your name?"

"Edward."

"Edward, it's a pleasure to meet you," she smiled a little, and I felt my own grin appearing. I blabbed out another question before I could stop myself, but this one was entirely necessary. "So, uh.. where do you live?"

She sighed a little, averting her gaze from mine. My stomach knotted a little out of disappointment, but I mentally scoffed at myself. I didn't even know this girl.

"'round Coggins Way."

I felt my face draw together and my brain went into overdrive. There were very few houses on that street. I tried to remember if there were any new people to Forks, but I drew a blank. Usually whenever there was someone new in town, a whisper would coat the halls of the school, the market, the street. Granted, I didn't often listen, but Esme was a very friendly person, and I'd hear about it from her even if I wasn't listening to anyone else.

"Off the highway, right?" She nodded again, eyes closed and mouth moving slightly with the song. A smile crept slowly onto her face as it came to a close, and I felt my mouth go dry. I tried to think of words to say, but the surrealistic nature of the situation had me confused and uncertain of myself.

I drove in silence for a while, growing agitated by her nearness. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her skin under my fingertips, her hair fanning across my chest. I wanted more than what she could possibly give me. I wanted—I shook my head, trying to shake out my thoughts. I never had thoughts like that. What in the hell was wrong with me?

I looked back to the stranger beside me; she was blowing steam onto the window and lazily drawing concentric circles. Alice did that to annoy me sometimes. When Bella did it, I felt my chest tighten. I felt no automatic instinct to slap her tiny hands away from the window and scold her. I felt… warmth.

I focused on the road again, trying to remember how to get to her street. She hadn't given me an exact address, but that was okay. Perhaps she didn't actually live on Coggins. Perhaps I should ask her. I looked at her again, and she was leaning against the seat, staring out the windshield and looking sort of bored. I felt a pang of panic, and wondered how to remedy her boredom.

"So… did you just move here?"

She eyed me curiously, no doubt thinking I was completely dense. "No. I've lived here for years. I hid out in people's backyards, you know, moved when necessarily. Yours was especially nice." She winked at me. The girl _winked. _I felt a blush creep up my face, and a genuine smile touched her face briefly before she continued on softly. "Yes. I just moved here." She said it with a sort of finality, and I knew she wanted to close the topic.

I wanted desperately to know everything about her—it was gnawing at me that all I knew was her name. And that she liked some of my music. And that she liked Cream. But not her last name. I knew she smelled vaguely of strawberries, and I knew that she…

I sounded like a little girl in my head, running down the facts on my favorite boy bander. She was not Justin Timberlake, and I was not twelve, nor was I a girl. I tightened my jaw and squared my shoulders, attempting to gain some masculinity back. I felt her glance at me out of the corner of my eye, and I couldn't help it, I looked back.

She smiled in soft amusement, her eyes shining dimly in the glow of the car. She pointed towards the windshield and flicked her eyes so that I'd see what she was getting at. I had passed her street and was now a few blocks up. I had gotten so lost in my thoughts of her that I'd forgotten I needed to take her home.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I slammed on my brakes, groaning at the squealing they made and the way we were both thrown forward. I turned the car around to head back, causing the gears to grind since I didn't shift properly. I braked again, more gently, stopping so I could squeeze bridge of my nose, and my eyes flew open when I heard her chuckling softly.

"It doesn't matter. I can walk the rest." I turned to protest, to tell her there was not a shot in hell that I'd let her out into the night at this hour, but she was already unbuckled and halfway out the door.

"Hey!" I called out. I was desperate to keep her with me, even if just for a few more moments. She turned, one foot still in. "Let me take you the rest of the way. It's late, I wouldn't want something to happen." I sounded like a desperate fool. I cringed inwardly. I'd never been this nervous in front of a girl before. To my great surprise, however, she had that soft smile on her face again, and it wasn't patronizing.

She leaned back into the car, sliding so that she was on one knee while her other leg was left dangling out of the car. She put her face inches away from mine, and I felt my heart stop momentarily before pounding furiously again. I heard the blood rushing in my veins, and I was certain she could hear the roar, too. She looked into my eyes deeply, her face set and intense.

This girl was beautiful.

I stared slack-jawed back at her, uncertain of what exactly was going on. Was she going to… kiss me? Her lips were parted slightly, her eyes were heavy… but her eyes looked heavy the entire night. I broke away from her stare, noticing for the first time the chipping and faded black polish that graced her nails. When had she put her hand on top of mine?

I looked up again, terrified and excited and hopeful. She grabbed my face like she had done earlier, and I stopped breathing.

"Thank you for the ride, Edward," she said softly. She ran her thumb along my chin, maintaining fierce eye contact and making my heart stammer. Electricity trailed the path that her thumb had made, making me gasp. I gulped down a breath and hoped it wasn't obvious, but she wasn't blinking and I was certain she wasn't oblivious. Before I could make a move or take another breath, she was gone. She closed the door and moved off into the night.

I fought my urge to follow her and ask her to get back in until we were at her house. She was ready to be out of my company, and I couldn't blame her. I probably sounded like a bumbling idiot, completely juvenile and stuttering. Would I see her again? Would she _want _to see me again?

I hoped her house was close by. She didn't turn as she walked off, just kind of swayed to a beat that I was certain was in her head. She swung her bag of frosting gently next to her leg as she stumbled lazily up the street.

I waited until she turned onto Coggins before I left. I felt like such a stalker, watching her like that, my headlights trained on her retreating form. I could only hope that she felt safer in the extra light, not creeped out by my behavior.

"Bella," I whispered into my empty car. I could still smell her. I reached over and touched the backrest of the passenger seat as I steered the car back towards my own home.

It was still warm.

* * *

**A/N: **Questions, comments? Your words are more fun for me to read than my own :)


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